Becoming Embodied
There is so much opportunity left on the table when we neglect to get to know our bodies.
A shift in perspective
My relationship with my body has had a profound impact on my health and wellness. It’s probably the most important relationship that I have cultivated in my life, specifically, the last 16+ years - post my MS diagnosis. I’d say that’s when my relationship really became two-sided and when I became more aware of the fact that my body wasn’t simply a “machine”, devoid of feeling and substance, merely here to do as I desire. The relationship finally wasn’t only about what she could do for me, but also, what can I do for her?
When I developed this shift in perspective my health and wellness began to take on significant changes. I couldn't just look at my body as this thing anymore, something that I could disconnect from. I also held a negative story that overtime, due to wear and tear, things would inevitably break down, fall apart, need to be replaced, and eventually my body would give out on me.
I failed to recognize that I was playing a role in the vitality and likewise, the deterioration of my body. I recognized that my body is a living breathing thing that required much more than being maintained like a an inanimate object. An external buff and shine only. It was time for a full detail. Under the hood, inside, and all around.
In additional to the basic maintenance required on our physical body, our body also needs love, nurturing, attention, forgiveness, communication, advocation, compassion, empathy, love, kindness, boundaries, compromise, discipline, truth, honesty, a sense of humor - the list goes on. Our focus must also lie on our internal landscape just as much as we focus on our external landscape. It’s OK to care about how we look, it’s natural even, but how we look should remain in balance with how we feel. The goal in wellness is to match our internal environment with our external, to be in alignment all around.
There were many times when I was “doing” wellness, forgetting about the “being” part. So busy in the routine, I would forget to check in and make sure the routine was still working. If your wellness routine and guidelines are causing you prolonged stress, it’s time to rethink your program. For example, I used to do CrossFit, I don’t do it anymore. My body changed and required something else. I used to teach 6am classes, I don’t do that anymore. It wasn’t good for my system to be up that early, rushing and out the door. I also scaled back on my wellness appointments and learned to use them on an as needed basis, rather than all at once spending a ton of money and then stressing out about the money I spent. I also wasn’t paying attention to what I had learned, busy “doing all the things” wanting to learn more, do more, living in a sate of wellness scarcity and lack. I had a hard time knowing when it was enough. I’m still working on that, but have come a long way.
It’s our responsibility, as we move through life, to deepen this relationship. Sadly, many don’t. The learning often stops after the basics have been acquired. And worse, after the basics have been acquired the then taking often begins. Meaning, the use of your body begins at birth as well. We overlook this very simple, yet crucial, part of the relationship - what gets used needs to be cared for and replenished as well. Seems simple when I put it like that, right? Unfortunately, it’s been overlooked by many, even neglected, and it’s time that all of us collectively change that. It’s time we get to know our bodies more intimately, it’s time to take responsibility for the beautiful gift that we have all been given - our bodies. They are our vehicles to live this life! Literally. We need a body to live and experience life.
If you are anything like I used to be, (Vas pre-MS) the time is now to start paying attention, to start making the small shifts and changes. It’s time to think critically, to feel your body, to know its parts, to take the time to be in and with your body, to listen their needs, desires and messages. To not only understand these messages, but to be fluent in the language of our body so that we can better understand the constant flow of information that is moving between our mind, body, and spirit. Our body is the touch point of all life experience. It brings the actual experience to life. No body, no life.
We need to reconnect with our bodies and cultivate a healthy relationship with them - it’s so important.
If you don’t have a relationship with your body, or it’s one that could use improvement, do not despair. It’s OK. You aren’t in trouble. I’ve been in every place/space that I write about. This all comes from my own experience. And based on experience, this isn’t the category you want to be in. Trust me. It’s actually a scary place to be, as it turns out. I didn’t have a relationship with your body and then something went terribly wrong making it even more challenging to navigate my situation. I felt as though I lacked any sense of power because I really had no idea what having power meant. What it felt like to be empowered.
I had been conditioned, like many, to base how I felt about my body on external things. How she performed and what she looked like. Since I was happy with the two, I didn’t think much deeper on the topic. I didn’t bother with what might be ailing her inside. What she might be lacking. I hadn’t learned how to replenish, nourish, and restore my body. I was one of those people walking around this earth totally disconnected from my body and when I got sick it hit me like a ton of bricks, like a big huge slap in the face. It wasn’t pretty, to say the least. I don’t wish this experience on anyone.
Pre-MS, when it came to my body, I either forced her, ignored her, silenced her, became frustrated at her, and worst of all, I used and exploited her resources. I hadn’t taken the time to learn about my body so naturally I didn’t (know to) care about her. And that’s pretty much the case with most people, places, and things. When we take the time to get to know someone or something, it’s easier to disconnect from that person or thing. To ignore them. Since I couldn’t see my insides, I didn’t pay attention to the mess I was creating. Further, I didn’t know much about how the body functions, so I didn’t realize how poorly mine was functioning. Just like anything once we educate ourselves and take the time to learn about people, places, or things, not based on the opinions and experiences of others, our perspective shifts.
Looking back, my sickness didn’t happen overnight or from one thing. It happened over time as a result of many things that went overlooked for far too long. I don’t hold any guilt over it, I didn’t know better and that is OK. I know better now and that’s what’s important.
Imagine the possibilities if you only knew your body more intimately?! The actual mechanics, the way they move and function, how to care for them, what they are capable of, and, most importantly, what they need to stay healthy and strong.
I’m not saying that we all need to be experts on human anatomy and all body systems and functions, that’s a daunting task, but we should have a general idea and basic understanding of how our bodies work and function and what they need to stay in proper balance and good health.
I also want to point out that like all things, this too will take time. Don’t expect your relationship to develop and change over night. It is very much a process. Lots of undoing and redoing, evaluating, sitting in contemplation, effort and ease, and so forth. And perhaps the subject wouldn’t be so daunting if the learning began earlier on in life, not when we are adults trying to correct ailments, aches, pains, sickness, chronic disease, cancer, and more. The sooner, the better I say!
Most importantly, trust me when I say the effort, the heartache, the trial and error, the feelings of despair and worry, the hard work, determination, and mental strength it takes is equally matched by moments of joy, triumph, self worth, accomplishment, love, ease, peace, excitement, laughter, and so much more! It’s a relationship worth revering. Your body is magnificent, you don’t want to miss out on this gift!
I’ll leave at this for now, if you have any questions, please reach out. I hope my thoughts on my body and the relationship I have with her have somehow inspired you to grow the relationship that you have with your body.
A few practices for the road
However, I will leave you with two things… a message to your body that will help you initiate connection to your body (it’s one of my absolute favorites) and a song. Despite the simplicity of the message, it still had a significant impact on me the first time I repeated it to myself and continues to have impact to this day. I can’t take credit for the message, it didn’t originate with me and I don’t know where it came from, but I heard it in a class and it has stuck with me since and I am very grateful for these powerful words.
Get in a comfortable position, wether it’s lying down or in a seated position. Take a some breaths to get grounded in the moment, ideally, pick a quiet place. If it takes you some time, it’s fine, there is no use in rushing through this exercise, the point is to stop and be so you can have an experience around it. Once you’ve settled yourself, place your hands anywhere on your body and repeat the following as many times as feels good. Enough times to really feel and hear the words, enough times to have an experience with this message. Notice how your body feels when you say these words. What comes up? Be super observant of any emotions and feelings, images, etc., that come up as you repeat these words. Use that information to get to know your body better. Here is the message:
“I’m sorry I’ve been disconnected, but I am here now.”
See how that simple acknowledgment and apology feel for you. If you enjoyed the practice, hold on to it and do it again when you need. You can even get specific with certain parts of you, there are no rules. Feel free to make it your own.
Like many, I love music and often times when I’m in thought about something, it’ll trigger a song in my head. Whenever this happens, I try to listen to the song in that moment, paying attention to the lyrics, how I feel, what it inspires in me, and see if perhaps I might receive it differently this time around. I love it! The song that kept popping up in my mind as I was writing today was a song by Fiona Apple, “Extraordinary Machine”. I love her music, she’s one of my favorite artists and this song didn’t disappoint today when I listened. You can find her on Spotify here.
“…Be kind to me, or treat me mean, I’ll make the most of it I am an extraordinary machine.” Fiona Apple
It also inspired a future post on being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Next time a song pops up in your head give it a listen and see where it takes you!
“…I still only travel by foot and by foot it’s a slow climb, but I am good at being uncomfortable so I can’t stop changing all the time. I notice my opponent is always on the go and won’t go slow, so’s not too focused, and I noticed he’ll hitch a ride with any guide as long as they go fast from whence he came from, but he’s no good at being uncomfortable so he can’t stop staying exactly the same…” Fiona Apple
